Black Holes and Other Large Abysses....

Apparently, I have fallen into one.

Funny the direction that life takes you sometime. From busy to bored in five seconds flat. From on top of your game to scrambling to get your shizznit together. Yesterday seemed to be one of those days when things came together and sorted themselves out. My car got fixed, I found the perfect pair of running shoes, my students were well behaved, I erased all of my old boyfriend emails and pictures (how amazing liberating!!!), and the sun was shining. What more could a girl want?

The real question is -- what will today bring? My ass back to the gym for starters. I need a good workout. For some reason the gym and I did not get off on the right foot this week at all. PT was a bit of a jerk on Monday and between the car and other things I just decided that maybe it was time for a mini-gym break. I suppose you can add this to the list of 'really important things I learned while losing weight'. When your body and your mind is irritated at the gym, take a couple of days off. Sometimes, your body knows what it is talking about!

I ordered new shoes last night. They are supposed to be here by Monday. I tried to find some whilst out and about last Saturday -- but I'm a stickler. I have tricky feet and I've found a certain brand and shoe that I love, love, love that doesn't hurt my feet or aggravate my shin splints when I run. Amazing how pushy sales people are these days when they insist you try something else because they don't have what you want. Sure, sometimes this can lead to amazing epiphanies and new product devotion. This works with jeans and bras and other trivial things -- not my feet. And frankly, pushy sales ladies at Foot Locker are not my idea of fonts of knowledge in shoe technology for severe pronators.

Up until yesterday, this week felt like it was one of those weeks that you are just going to be proud of getting through in one piece. It still feels a bit that way -- particularly when I look at the scale. I am not so sure I'll be weighing in today. In fact, I know I won't be weighing in. I am bloated and still cranky (sorry HBB, I know that is exactly what you wanted to read!). So not a chance I'm going near that scale! I'll get my workouts in this weekend and let things simmer down a bit.

In other news, three weeks from today, HBB will be in the USA. Wahoooooooooooooooooooo! Sigh. It's all so very exciting, people. I'm nervous, of course, but I'll let you in on a little secret -- he's amazing. I was reading a great post over at Comrade GoGo about her randomly finding love despite the fact that she didn't feel as if she was the right size. Of course, these same thoughts and feelings freak me out daily -- that he'll get off the plane and be scared by the size of my massive thighs and pudgy belly and get on the next plane back from whence he came. Am I worthy of this???

It totally freaks me out. His answer to my freakouts -- do you really think I am only in love with you because of your body? And I can't believe I am writing about this on my blog! I suppose at the end of the day, this is one of those important issues that I need to sort through in my head. I am worthy of this amazing relationship and his love. Now I just need to believe in it. And remember to breathe when picking him up at the airport.

Alright, that's enough today! It's hard to crawl out of an abyss people! Baby steps!!!

Keep it realz,
FGS

Sunday Wrap-Up

Well hello there faithful readers! It is Sunday yet again and I am typing to you from my snazzy new, super fast, super amazing computer! Amen for improved technology!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think I realized what dark ages I was living in until Friday afternoon..............

That being said, this weekend, despite spending time with my sweetie, sigh, was a total write-off on the diet front. I mean healthy living front. I did manage to make it to spin class this morning though and got my arse throughly kicked (wahooo Kyra, you rock!). It was a great class. But Thursday-Saturday -- pretty much a write off! A somewhat bingy, TOM, I'll do what I want time. Oh and I played with my new toy......

And I bought some perfume.

Wait, wasn't this money supposed to go to fix my car? Hmmmmmmmmmm. Yes well. Hmmmmmm.

Okay, I'm going to eat some din din now folks. Some of my favorite lentil concoction.

Avoidance is good, right?

FGS

On the Lighter Side

So it's a glorious sunny day here in Colorado.  Got to love the sun and the snow covered mountains and the 50+ degree temperature down here in the city. Every time I even think about moving back to the northeast I just remind myself of the horrid, gray, winters there and how I don't think I could survive 6 months of never being warm.  Two weeks at Christmas is enough.  For those of you living in the New England region, don't get me wrong I love it there –but in the summer when it is warm and toasty! 

On the last few trips east, I've come to the realization that if I lived in the upstate New York area, I'd weigh 500 pounds.  I have never seen such a huge collection of unhealthy food in a 1 mile radius! Not that I don't love being upstate, everyone...it's just they think salads should have something fried to accompany them....

Ahhh, health and nutrition – here's my food for thought for the day.  Check out the difference between brown rice and white rice.  Who knew?

	Brown Rice (one cup)	White Rice (one cup)
Calories	232	223
Protein	4.88 g	4.10 g
Carbohydrate	49.7 g	49.6 g
Fat	1.17 g	0.205 g
Dietary Fiber	3.32 g	0.74 g
Thiamin (B1)	0.176 g	0.223 g
Riboflavin (B2)	0.039 mg	0.021 mg
Niacin (B3)	2.730 mg	2.050 mg
Vitamin B6	0.294 mg	0.103 mg
Folacin	10 mcg	4.1 mcg
Vitamin E	1.4 mg	0.462 mg
Magnesium	72.2 mg	22.6 mg
Phosphorus	142 mg	57.4 mg
Potassium	137 mg	57.4 mg
Selenium	26 mg	19 mg
Zinc	1.05 mg	0.841 mg

source:http://www.drlam.com/opinion/brown_rice_vs_white_rice.cfm

In an attempt to be healthier and to really concentrate on my resolutions and goals of the year, I spent last night cooking up a storm.  Brown rice, steamed asparagus, broiled chicken breasts, teriyaki salmon, white bean and red pepper spread – it was insanity in my kitchen.  But wow, was it worth it.  I don't know why it has taken me so long to convert to brown rice!  Probably because I have a 50lb bag of sushi rice that needs to be eaten first…. Wow! What a difference.  I had some salmon, sweet potato, broccoli and brown rice for lunch yesterday and didn't even feel hungry after a crazy torture session with PT!  And it tasted good! And I wasn't sleepy after I ate it! 

And that white bean and red pepper spread – OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Better than hummus if that is possible.

FGS's White Bean and Roasted Red Pepper Spread

1 can of cannelini or great white northern beans (drained)
3 Tbsps of chopped roasted red peppers
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
Salt and pepper to taste

Chuck it all in a food processor and process until creamy like hummus.  Serve with baked tortilla chips or pita and veggies.  The entire thing is 6pts. And ooooooooooooh so yummy.

Sometimes it is easier to eat healthy than I think.  When I get into that rut of eating crappy food, it is so hard to get out!  That salt and fat is just so comforting.  But it drags me down in other ways -- energy wise, I end up with nothing.  I don't like feeling bloated and horrid.  It truly does make such a difference when you put quality food in your mouth.  I mean sure, those fries do have a point value -- but, at what price??? Hmmmmmmmmmmm...........But, this fat grl is safe now -- with pre-packed meals for the rest of the week.  I'll let you know how it works out.

Okay, I'm going to go daydream some more.  It's just one of those days that is perfect for daydreaming and I just can't help it!

your,
FGS

 

 

 

Patience is a Virtue.....

"I never failed once. It just happened to be a 2000-step process."
Thomas Edison, responding to a reporter who asked how it felt to fail 2000
times before successfully inventing the light bulb

Spring is almost here -- at least, it has felt like it these past few days. I have been thinking a lot about my garden. Every year I think, damn if I only had a couple thousand dollars I could do this and this and this to my garden. I look at pictures of gardens and garden design websites with almost the same devoutness that I reserve for health and fitness sites and blogs. Gardening just sort of sucks me in. I think perhaps it has something to do with the potential of it all. When I look out on my barren lawn, or at the flowers dormant in their beds, I think only of potential and hope. Of course, I want it now -- my perfect little piece of Eden replete with roses and peonies and lots of other little posies. Now, now, now! I want it to be spring! I want to plant some corn and veggies and harvest them tomorrow. I want to build those raised beds I've always dreamt about. I want the stone walkways in and the hot tub and deck shortly after.

I want I want I want.

And guess what kids, this is where the patience piece comes in. These things take time. Beauty takes time, gardens take time, changing your life takes time. Oh, and patience. Patience is about letting things develop as they will, not in the time frame you think they should happen. This is so true when you speak of gardens -- and even more true when you apply the idea to weight loss, fitness and health. I watched that stupid scale for weeks while my body stubbornly refused to cooperate with me and my efforts to de-flab. It didn't move until it was good and ready. Just like gardens don't become gardens until they are good and ready.

My garden fantasies reminded me that it is nice to have an image of perfection in your head, it is good to dream, it is good to plan. But you also have to have the patience to let things take their own course -- to bloom and grow and come into their own. Only with patience do amazing things happen. And before you know it, flowers are growing where there were none, plants are spilling out of their containers and your garden is that little piece of Eden you've always imagined.

And that's my two cents for the day.

FGS

ps. If you've noticed, I've been doing some changes to my blog -- things are still under construction so please pardon the dust! Heaps of thanks to PHIL for the cool new buttons and his advice on the artistic direction of this blog!

Happy Single Awareness Day!!!!! Notes from a newly content girl on this day filled with commercialized love...

Well kids, it's that time of year again. Yeah that one. The second time of the year where you feel inadequate for being single or alone (New Year's being the other one to date). All this love and romance wrapped in bright cellophane and overly sentimental drivel certainly makes you want to purchase one of those pretty pink and red Whitman's samplers and just have at it...... Maybe I'm just bitter because for the first time I'm not 100% single on Valentine's day, but my sweetie is thousands of miles away and I have to live through this day o' love by myself.

Cue violins, weeping and loud blowing of nose here. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! But seriously, I love him every day.......not just today.

Looking on the bright side of my long distance dealio, I can go to the gym tonight! After getting on the scale (which has been steadily inching up this week due to my illness/lack of working out/roomy's hot wing eating boyfriend -- ok, maybe I need to take a page from Mouse's no excuse book!!!!! Phew what a tangent! Stop it with the parentheses! Your poor readers are lost! Stop it! I mean it....ok, back to our regularly scheduled sentence......) this morning, emitting a gasp of shock and horror and a few curse words, the gym would be the most logical place for me to spend this evening. This flu/cold/whatever the heck it is/was (omg, someone please take away all but the most basic punctuation from me!!! This is truly punctuation abuse....) a pain in the bahookie! I'm still not at 100%. I was going to go to the gym last night, but just felt so run down and tired at the end of the day. No excuses today though. I'm going! Even if it is just for 30 minutes of light cardio!

Blogospheric Goodness
There have been a lot of fantastic blog posts in the last two days -- I wish I had more time to read them! Anyhow, these were posts with a lot of soul and man oh man could I relate. Check out this post over at Good With Cheese. How many times have I apologized for my body, for who I am? I think I lost count around age 11. Sometimes it is so easy to slip back into that apology mode too -- just ask my friends and HBB (think that is how I will refer to this wonderful man in my life for now - details will be forthcoming March 21st). I have to constantly remind myself that this is who I am, wobbly bits and all, and that if you love me, you love all of me. I reserve the right to change, of course -- but right now, at this very moment in time, this is it - FGS in all of her glory. No I'm not posting a naked picture peeps so don't freak out just yet! I'm just saying, this is it, this is me. And what better day to say it than on "If-you-don't-have-someone-you-must-not-be-good-enough"Day. As usual, the fabulous Kate Harding has a great post up which you should also read. Amen sistah!

So here's my two cents for the day: get this -- I am good enough. And then some.

No More Apologies
A few comments on my last few posts -- at first I was feeling a tad bit guilty for being so dang serious and reflective. But then, as I was watching the Biggest Loser this week, I sort of realized that this is my blog and it is my way of working out the huge obstacles that have kept me from losing weight in the past. I think, as Jillian on BL pointed out, it truly is as much about your mind as what you eat or how much you exercise. It's about finding those triggers that make you take solace in food, and changing those behaviors. It's about finding some balance, not always relying on food or extrinsic sources to balance you. Food can't make you happy. Not even chocolate souffle...or those yummy spicy twisty fries from Sonic..... Sure they taste good, but at the end of the day, they don't make you happy.

Kids, I've said it before -- it's all about balance and the symbiotic relationship of mind,body and soul. Oh, and not depriving yourself....and loving yourself enough to let people into your life so that they can love you back.

Love is truly a wonderful thing (did I just channel Michael Bolton???).

In other news, I found this blog the other day and just had to share it. Um, yum! Off the Broiler has some killer recipes. Real food peeps. Real food. Check it out!

Okay, that's all the news that's fit to print today. It's a bit vapid and vacuous.....but what the hey!

Keep it realz,
FGS

Return of the Living Dead

Wahooooooooooooo! Hello, hello my faithful readers! I'm finally feeling human again! If I had the energy I would be skipping around my room......but wait, I still have to go to work today. Grrrrrrrrrr. Well to every bit of good, some bad, right?

Whatever hit me like a freight train has now left the building (minus a few drippy bits of mucous -- yum, hope you weren't eating!). It's back to the gym with me today and back to PT land. I've made him promise we'll do light today. Ha. We'll see. I hope I don't pass out! Of course, seeing PT certainly puts the old monkey wrench in the spinning/pilates combo. Honestly, after this past weekend I'm not so sure I could make it through both tonight. My goal is to be fully up and running again by Saturday's spinning/yoga extravaganza.

Thought for the day:

"You're should-ing all over yourself!"

Somehow I managed to get thinking about Stuart Smalley (of SNL fame) and his motto of "you're good enough, you're smart enough and doggone it, people like you". Don't ask. Sometimes the mind truly is a wondrous thing. Anyhoooooooo, this post was born. Then I stumbled over the above quote. Too bloody right! Constantly I frame things in my head as what I should be doing -- not what I am doing, but what I should do. I've been should-ing all over myself and then some. I should lose weight, I should work harder, I should pay more attention to my job, I should spend more time with my friends, I should, I should, I should. Pfft. No more shoulds! I need to change how I frame these thoughts in my head, methinks. Maybe then I wouldn't feel like a failure when I don't end up doing those things I think I should be doing. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm........thoughts from the peanut gallery???

Ok, must zip. Work calls.............grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

FGS

Links Links Links

Okay, in my weakened state, I've been surfing the net and reading some new blogs. Here are some new faves that I've added to my hit parade:

Comrade GoGo

Kath Eats Real Food

The Great Fitness Experiment

That's Fit

Notes from Snot City

Okay, that just sounded gross. Ewwwwwww. But hey, it's the truth!!!! I had a great week training last week, even lost two pounds. Yeah I know, two pounds!!!! And then Friday came. I woke up feeling odd. I chalked it up to the bag of pork rinds I ate the night before (I know, no comments peeps!). By noon I realized that it was more than pork rinds and promptly removed myself from work. By 3 I was flat on my back. By 5 I had a fever, horrible stomach pain and thought I was going to die. After sleeping for ages, I woke up Saturday morning totally congested. I have no idea what happened. At least my fever had gone. So now it's Sunday - I'm still a wee bit woozy and out of it. Sigh...just when everything is going so well.

Of course, getting on the scale this morning and seeing myself down a few pounds was a highlight. Knowing that it was due to dehydration and being ill, not so great. I even had to cancel on PT twice! He must think I'm a big old weakling. And I booked a bike for spinning and didn't even make it there! Blah. I hate being sick. Yeah flu! On further research, ala Google, there is no such thing as 24-hour flu. Ha! Should I have gotten the flu shot? Every year I ask myself this question. I'm not convinced that I should vaccinate myself like crazy though. Heck, it didn't work out so well in I Am Legend, now did it? Sure I work with kids. But I generally don't miss more than 3 to 4 days of work due to illness in a year -- if that even. And roomy got the flu shot and now she has what I had too. So is there any reason to get it? I want more compelling evidence.

So, this week -- I doubt that I'm going to have any amazing workouts, to be honest. I'm still not 100% and definitely still weak, sore and tired. Sigh. So another week of recovery. I'm glad I haven't truly started my 10k training yet! I'm not exactly when I'm going to get going on that -- I'd like to start before spring break (because I have other things to do over spring break!!!!!) but that break will certainly mess up my training. I suppose I should sit down and have a think about this when I'm not so muddle headed.

In other news, my computer has now decided it would be fun to boot me off the internet every hour on the hour. Yeah, nice right? I'm planning on getting a new computer with my tax refund, should it ever appear. That and fix my car which is still leaking something. Luckily it's not oil! Unluckily, I'm not sure what it is leaking nor can I afford to get it looked at until that pesky tax refund shows up. Grrrrrrrrrrr. The joys of always being broke and being crap with money.

Okay, it's back in bed with me!

FGS

And the world spins madly on........

I had forgotten how nice it was to swim at ungodly hours in the morning.  It is always so quiet.  Just me and the pool and all of my thoughts.  Swimming yesterday morning was a nice change from the treadmill and elliptical rat race I've been running.  Something about water always soothes my soul.  I did notice that there is a spin class on my way past to the locker room and began to think maybe I should spin instead.  It's my addiction now.  I love me some spinning!  (And handsome English men......)

One of the things on my mind whilst paddling my way through a zillion laps was how my mindset has been evolving -- how much I've changed in the past 6 months of my life. My entire outlook on health and fitness has dramatically changed.  That much I admit.  But I wonder, even with the insane amounts of working out I do, if I haven't perchance become a wee bit complacent about it all.  It's become methodical and routine now -- the working out bit.  (I still have leaps and bounds to grow in the food down my gob bit!)  What now? What do I need to do to continue to challenge myself?

I have come to the realization that after April, I will have to be trainerless for a while.  Yeah, shhhhh.  I don't want to talk about it.  In fact I need a paper bag because I think I'm hyperventilating.  Can I do this on my own?  Yes of course I can, but, yikes, still.  How am I going to push myself the way he pushes me?  I suppose this is the part where this journey becomes less perfect fantasy and more reality.  I knew I couldn't endlessly afford a trainer.  And so I evolve again.

Evolution.  Such a great word.  It implies movement and motion -- forward motion.  And I moving on in so many ways in my life.  Growing up.  Growing wise.  My weight doesn't define me any more.  I'm not owned by my body or a number on the scale.  I'm strong and healthy.  I am proud of how far I've come.  Other things are important to me now too.  Love, being at the top of the list.  Creating a home with the man of my dreams being a close second.  Sure, health and fitness are still in the top three.  But, I've had to make room for other things.  When I started this blog my entire life revolved around getting thin, losing weight, being fit.  That's not realistic.  Your entire life devoted to just one thing.  No wonder I've run out of things to say these days!  Haven't I mentioned a million times that this is about finding balance????

Balance -- it still eludes me upon occasion.  But without a doubt, I am much healthier -- mind, body and soul -- than I was 6 months ago.  I have found some stable ground.  And I kind of like how it feels under my feet. 

Do I still want to lose weight?  Yes.  Is it still going to be a part of my life in this next evolution? Of course.  For the first time in my life fitness and health is very important to me.  These days, when I overeat or eat horridly or don't work out, my body hurts -- physically hurts and aches from the abuse.  And I don't like the feeling!  I don't want to turn back.  I like the changes I've made. 

I am not giving up.

But I am thinking more holistically about what a healthy life is.  It isn't just about what I weigh, that much I now know.  Yeah, here comes that 'b' word again -- BALANCE.  It is truly about balance and harmony.  God someone slap me I've become an infomercial for yoga and multivitamins!  I still look at myself in the mirror every now and again and feel a little frustrated.  But, when I look at the man I love and see how he sees me, well I get a wee bit of my confidence back.  Sure, this teetering self-confidence is always going to be something I struggle with in my life.  I don't feel so lost anymore though.  I can do this.  Even if it takes me 10 years.

Sigh.  That felt good to type.  I don't know why I'm so serious right now!!!  But I am, so I'm rolling with it.  Suppose I should do some of that 'w' word.......pfft.  One of these days, my lottery numbers are bound to come up!

Keep it realz,
FGS

Ahhhh Cambodia

Once upon a time, when FGS was still footloose and fancy free, she used to live in this tiny little country called Cambodia. It was a total fluke that she ended up there -- and it turned out to be one of those live changing experiences in ways that she is still discovering. To write it all down on paper, or blog, is still something she plans on doing, but for now her little story of love and disaster will remain in her head where it belongs...

Yesterday one of my former students had her 20th birthday. Her mum is from Cambodia and ever since I met her, she's been spoiling me rotten with yummy Cambodian food. I cook some Khmer dishes, but only every now and again when I'm really craving it. Those tastes have a way of magically bringing me back to the beach, to the tiny little town I used to live in, to nights spent under palm trees, days spent in hammocks or on the dive boat. What a life I lived! It was idyllic and a nightmare all at the same time. But that is neither here nor there. Yesterday in between the screeching of overly loud Khmer karaoke and bottles of Hennessey being passed around, I was transported back to my Cambodian home. I was the only English speaker in the bunch and basically spent the entire time I was there back in that solitude I used to know so well -- I'd forgotten what it was like to not understand anyone around me! It is so isolating, yet so thrilling to me. Ahhhh....Cambodia.

Making Green Papaya Salad

One of my favorite dishes in Khmer cuisine is green papaya salad -- though I prefer it a bit sweeter than they usually make it, more like the Thai version. Khmer food took a big hit during the reign of the Khmer Rouge and many of the traditional dishes disappeared during this time. Much of the food is now heavily influenced by the Thai and Vietnamese. Still, Khmer food is generally tasty (provided you don't know what you are eating!). Fish Amok is my other favorite dish -- a coconut and green or red curry and fish souffle of sorts. Very tasty.

Green Papaya Salad

• 1 green papaya, peeled and cut into long thin strips or grated (ask at your Asian grocer)
  
• 1/2 cup peanuts (or plain roasted)
  
• 1 to 2 tomatoes, cut into long thin strips
• 1 Thai chili, minced (seeds removed if you prefer a milder salad)
• 4 cloves of garlic
  
• 2 limes (royaled -- skin cut off)
  
• 1/2 tsp. shrimp paste
  
• palm sugar to taste ( I like my salad a bit sweeter than most Khmers do)
  
• 1 Tbsp. fish sauce (if vegetarian, use vegetarian fish sauce)
• 2 Tbsp. lime juice
• MSG to taste (okay I know it's bad for you -- but, salt doesn't work as well -- with the fish sauce you could just omit this altogether)
• green beans are another ingredient that is sometimes added

This salad is then put into an oversize mortar and pestle and pounded until all the ingredients are well mixed. You could possible put this into a large heavy duty ziploc bag and pound with a rolling pin.

Enjoy!

Green papaya salad is very refreshing and tasty. You could serve it with shrimp or as the Khmer's do with beef satay.

And that is all I got for today folks! I'm being a slug today and cleaning and watching the Super Bowl. I'm going to make my amazing French Onion soup later. Yum. I'm still sore after yesterday's spinning and yoga extravaganza so I don't think I'll be working out today!

S'bay te,
FGS