Wagons Ho!

"Hitch your wagon to a star."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

It seemed to be perfect timing that someone sent me the Oregon Trail application on Facebook. Tis the season for wagons! So let's get these wagons rolling!

As promised, I'm going to do a wee bit of a year in review. I'm going to leave out some bits, because frankly, they don't matter that much.

So here goes... Year in review, abridged version.
I just found in my journal this elaborate page of resolutions and goals for 2007 -- my year of equilibrium, I called it. This is the first time I've ever really reflected on my actual resolutions from the past!

My major resolutions for the past year were to decrease my debt, lose weight, find love and be a better person. How amazingly original!

So how did I do?

2007 was a year of upheaval and change for me. Between smashed hearts, then fixed hearts, hours at the gym, discovering blogging and changing jobs, it has been a constant roller coaster of goodness and fun. With lots of vomity bits thrown in for good measure. I survived it all. But it certainly wasn't a year of balance or equilibrium in any way.

Money has always been a nightmare for me. And no, I didn't make much progress getting rid of my debt. It will be much easier to do this year though because I actually have some specific reasons to get rid of my debt as fast as possible now. I haven't really changed my spending, but I have curbed my impulse shopping habits a bit.

Health was an area I gave most of my energy and focus. I did improve my cardio health by making exercise a priority in my life and I have changed my eating habits -- so well done me. I lost weight -- but I'm still on the journey of losing more. I am proud of the fact that way back in February, as the 'resolutionists' started to lose their resolve, I walked in to the gym and made a commitment to change my life. And I've stuck with it. Long past the honeymoon phase, long past the time when having a PT was fun and cool and just became painful and hard, long past the time when I usually quit. I'm still working at it. No, I didn't lose 90 pounds in one year. Heck I barely lost 25. But, I can run 4 miles, lift more weight than I ever have, and survive my torture sessions with a smile on my face. I have changed the shape of my body. I have energy again. Oh, and a wee smidgin of confidence.

As for my personal life, well I have explored options for improving my love life, I stopped making work my life and I've been open to meeting new people. Sigh...and one new person in particular. But that's a story for another time :) It was an up and down year for love and I'm still just relishing what I have right now, in peace, quiet and anonymity.

Lastly, my spiritual goals. No, this has nothing to do with going to church! I set some goals for myself to find more happiness in my daily life, to breathe more, reflect more and just exist. Yeah, I'm still working on some of these.

There was a lot I did right in 2007. I'm proud of the choices I made, I'm proud that I stuck with them even when I very easily could have given up. I learned a lot about who I am and who I am becoming this year and I look forward to continuing that journey in 2008.

Why is that this one little day has so much power over us? Our tabula rasa is here.....and it's just so dang inspiring. And so we begin again...

Happy New Year, readers!

Live well, laugh often and love unconditionally.....
FGS

Links, Links, Links....

It's been awhile since I've gotten to do any quailty web surfing and blog reading. I thought I would add some of my new favorites here for those of you in need of some interesting reads over the holidays!



Lunch in a Box - a great website devoted to packing really darn cool lunches in a bento box.

Becks & Posh - okay, so it's not a WW friendly site. But my new theory is if you eat better food (ie. less processed crap, more home cooked goodness), you can splurge and have good stuff every now and again. It's all about quality not quantity, right?

101 Cookbooks- neat site with recipes galore and very interesting one's to boot. Not your average chocolate chip cookies and meatloaf site. Check out this interesting use of millet and this yummy looking cauliflower recipe.

Fat Girl On A Bike- great site with loads of inspiration and info on triathlons. Check out her blog on the Resolutionists!

And that is it for now. Insomniac girl must sleep!

FGS

Yer Cheatin' Heart...

My gym is cheating on me I tell you! It's busy wooing new customers gung-ho on their "I will lose 90 pounds in two days!" post-holiday resolutions. There are signs everywhere promising less pounds, more toned muscles and a better life. And they are coming in droves, these flabby, resolved newbies. They have taken over my favorite treadmill, the one right by the window where I can look out into the carpeted abyss that separates Bally's from Gordman's at our strip mall. Then they hogged all the ellipticals making it impossible to get my pre-PT cardio done the way he likes it. They fill up bikes in my spinning class, weight machines and stretching mats. It's like an invading Viking hoarde!


Yes, I am a grinch. I should be supportive of these people seeking change in their lives. But I want my gym back! I want machines to choose from! And I just want to scream at these people "90 pounds doesn't go away in 2 days!!!!" and "If you only buy a gym membership and never use it after February 1st you'll never get anywhere!". But I bite my tongue and turn my iPod up instead. Who am I to crush their well intentioned hopes and shattered their vivid dreams of flat abs and a nice ass?

I hate resolutions. I hate that they drag us off on these fool's errands, with no hope of ever attaining our goal. They just sound good. They are things we think we need. They will make us happier. They will make us healthier, thinner, smarter, better, richer. But they are, at the end of the day, just words. And I hate that these words woo us into a false sense of satisfaction that we are actually 'doing' something. I mean really, who needs more empty promises in their life?

Sigh, somebody smack me now. I'm taking myself too seriously. And yes I know my last post involved many things that suspiciously looked like resolutions, but oh dear reader, they were really 'guiding lights', if you remember! But enough of my moaning!


Time for an FGS Gear and Gadget Review:

Nike +iPod

Okay, I have been coveting one of these for quite a while now for no good reason since I run -- but I'm not really a runner. I aspire, though, I aspire.

Anyhow, I got one for Christmas and wow, was I suprised. I admit this is a bit of a half-assed review since I've only used half of the features. I am still on vacation and haven't uploaded my workouts yet to see how fun that data is. One of the things that surprised me about this gadget was that it seems to work just as well when you are walking. It keeps track of the distance you've covered and your pace and gives you a calories burns total. Um, can you say better than a pedometer?

I took the dog for a walk and tried it out. Great results. I actually had underestimated how far I had been walking her so I was pleasantly surprised. Then I tried it at the Bally's near my mom's house -- I say near, but that is a lie; it is like 35-40 minutes away (just a wee aside -- if I lived in middle of nowhere NY, I would weigh 900 pounds by now! So, you read it here first, I'm GLAD I live in Denver!). I ran my usual 3 miles at my slow 5.0mph pace. Actually, I'm dang impressed I did run that because I've been sick and taken a week off. Anyhow, it was sooooo cool. The stupid machine kept stopping after 20 minutes (despite the fact I pushed manual!) and I was very glad I had this gizmo keeping track of my run. The calorie count at the end was about 300 calories off from my heart rate monitor -- but I suppose that is to be expected since it has no way of measuring your exertion. I was between 160 and 180 for a majority of the run (I knew I was tired and my heart rate confirmed that) so I was working hard.

As for measuring my pace, it did say that I was running faster than the pace I had set the treadmill for. This may because I have a short stride. I am looking forward to calibrating it to get a more accurate reading -- but I think I will wait and do this at home.

Do I need a Nike shoe?

NO!!!!!!!! Thanks to little inventive elves, you don't need to run in Nike shoes! There are a few different adapters out there. I bought a simple pouch for my shoe which slips around the shoe laces until I can get the adapter I want. I really want a SwitchEasy Runaway or a Marware Sportsuit Sensor+. Both would make sure that the sensor wasn't moving around too much providing inaccurate readings. The cool thing about the Runaway is that is doubles as a storage case for the part you plug in to your iPod. Check out this great blog for other ideas to hack your shoes!

Will it fit with my current sports case?
Mine didn't -- it sticks out the end and doesn't allow for the velcro closure to secure the pod in the case. This worries me a bit. I clicked the clip on the back, allowing the iPod to be upside down in hopes of preventing any flying iPod incidents. I know that they do make cases to fit these sensors -- but I'm not there yet!

Verdict: I love it! I'll let you know how the other features work as soon as I can upload the data!
UPDATE: The price for this gadget is a mere $29.99.

So this is a bit of a crabby blog. Can't really help it, I guess. Oh! Funny story about my trip to the gym yesterday! That will cheer me up. I get the biggest kick out of the Bally's here. It also reminds me just how far I've come! At home, the Bally's is big and light and spacious and one big room. The Bally's here has a 'women only' section. Go figure. Once upon a time, I would have gladly entered the pinkness (complete with neon pink and purple lights) that was the 'women's only' side. Not now. Not after my sessions with PT. Oh no, I can lift with those big hulky (and incredibly hairy) men. And I did. And you should have seen the looks on their faces when I waltzed right in and just started lifting. Ha! I am woman hear me roar! A big thanks to PT for giving me the confidence to not care if I look like an idiot in front of big hulking men. And for teaching me how to work out properly -- ie. by using two machines to work opposite muscles instead of sitting around waiting between reps on the same machine. I suppose, now would be a good time to mention, I've come a long way baby. Nah, I think I'll save my year in review post for tomorrow.

Keep it realz,
FGS

Of Mice and Men.....a New Year's Blog

“The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”

The things you learn when you least expect them always seem to stay with you forever! I wanted to start this post with a quote from Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men. It’s an apropos quote from a great book and who doesn’t love Steinbeck. Wait. Don’t answer that. I’m sure there are a bunch of you out there that don’t. Anyhow, what I learned was that this quote actually comes from a Robert Burns poem “To a Mouse” – I would have posted the original but it’s in Scots and who the bloody hell can understand the Scots. Ok, I can but it’s all mostly bullshit that comes out of their mouths anyway. (Ducks and hides from the approaching lynch mob). Did I mention I’m Scots by blood?

And now back to our regularly scheduled program: the point of the quote.

I have been hemming and hawing for weeks now if I will blog about my New Year’s resolutions. It’s been a big old question mark in my mind. I really don’t know why, but hey, you have to listen to yourself every now and again. So I listened and decided to do a general list of resolutions -- which truly are more like guiding principles. Resolutions, in my opinion, often end up as just more sad excuses for failure and frustration. I mean, come on – who hasn’t made New Year’s resolutions with great gusto and planning in an attempt to make a dramatic change in their life before the stroke of midnight on the 31st? Heck, I don’t think it’s possible to NOT make resolutions for fear of being ostracized and/or lynched. And since I already have a mob after me from the above Scottish comments, I’d best behave. It is with very mixed feelings that I write my resolutions (long before the stroke of midnight!).

Resolutions, in no particular order:

Lose weight. Duh.
Ha. Isn’t that the number one goal on everyone’s list. Okay, I was watching tv the other day and saw a commercial for Jenny Craig – wait, wait! Stop throwing things at the screen and booing! I’m not saying join Jenny Craig. I just liked the message of the commercial. So, bear (or is that bare?yikes, that might lead to nudity! so let's go with the first one) with me! On the commercial, Valerie Bertinelli was saying that she was 3 pounds away from goal and how happy she was that she wasn’t going to have to wake up on New Year’s and make a resolution to lose weight. It just sort of hit me that wow, this time next year, I can be saying the same thing. I won’t have to wake up on New Year’s day and say that clichéd phrase “This year I resolve to lose…”. Heck, I don’t remember a year when I haven’t had to make a resolution about losing weight. Wow, you mean I don’t have to spend the rest of my life being fat? Now that is a novel concept. Sure, I’m not a moron and I know that I’m going to struggle with this forever – but I also know that it doesn’t always have to be at the top of my resolutions list. So, lose weight. Yup. This is the last year I’m going to have this as a resolution.

De-clutter.
I’m a book-a-holic people. Letting go of books is like prying teeth out of my mouth with pliers – painful and messy. I can’t let go of them. They are my babies. Oh god, there has to be a support group for this! I have a tiny house and need to find some ways to live more efficiently. De-cluttering is a huge resolution for the year! Oh and that pile on my desk at work...and the boxes in the garage...and the disaster that is my pantry...and the files...and, oh you get the point!

Get Fit.
Okay, so I’ve been working on this one for awhile. And right now, I’m not going to put down any of my fitness goals, frankly – I don’t have any specific exercise goals at the moment. But I am going to continue on my road of fitness and health in this shiny New Year. I want to run faster and further than I have before. How's that for specific?

Be open to love and other good things the universe has to offer.
Alright, so it sounds sort of silly. Sometimes I feel like my life is like that quote “The truth knocks on the door and you say, 'Go away, I'm looking for the truth.' and so it goes away.” Sometimes I think the universe brings us things that we ignore. Love seems to be one of those things that shows up when you least expect it. And so this year, I resolve to be open to what the universe has to offer me.

Breathe.
That one seems like a given, but sometimes I forget to just breathe and just relax. That’s when I fall off the wagon too – those stressed out frantic times when life just gets the better of me. So my resolution this year is to remember to breathe.

Comment more.
Yeah, on blogs that I read and love. Sometimes I get sooooo into what I read or end up reading it at times when I can’t comment (like, um oops, work), and I forget to go back and comment.

And that concludes my list of resolutions.

Not too specific, but goals none-the-less. And yes, before you send me links to goal writing 101 sites and copies of Goal Writing for Dummies, I know that these are not well written. They are my living guidelines for the next year. Principles I want to live by and with in the New Year. These are not necessarily meant to be specific steps in any direction. But guiding lights…..

So there. I did it. Now I’m going to go eat fried fish with the family. Yeah, I know. Not a peep, oh faithful reading audience.

Lots of love,
FGS

Sugar Plum Fairies and Big Pieces of Coal

Happy Holidays o' faithful readers! 

 

Okay, the cross country trek was successfully completed with no serious damage done to roomy, myself or the car and all arriving safe and sound (thankfully far ahead of the monster storm that hit the midwest!).  We did relatively well on the trip -- only two pit stops at places where I refuse to normally eat.  I know can officially say when I get tired, I crave salty, fatty foods.  And after 28 hours of driving, I can't imagine why I would be craving foods like that!  But a little stomach bug knocked me flat for a couple of days...hmmm, could it have been my choice in foods? Did that tiny little cheeseburger from that place we won't name just do my poor little tummy in?  We will never know.  And I managed to keep down the sushi that we had for Christmas Eve dinner so I suppose all is good.

 

Sugar Plum Fairies

It's Christmas again -- that time of year I just can't seem to like.  I think it's because I used to work in retail.  There's nothing quiet like people shouting at you on Christmas Eve to ruin the holiday for you forever.  But, it still is a special time of year.  It is nice to be home with the family for a change.  And out on a farm...with chickens and horses...

 

And can I just say, there is nothing in the world as good as eggs fresh from your own chickens?  Damn. I'm not going to eat an egg for months after being spoiled with these!!!  It's nice to be reminded that not all food comes from massive factories and plants and huge production lines.  These little chickens are happy, spoiled and make dang tasty eggs.  And did I mention the bacon??? Ooooh the bacon...sigh.  I just can't even speak of the bacon.  I'm drooling already.

 

The little Princess (oooh not sure I've mentioned her in my blog before! Princess Pickle is my mangy little dog that I rescued from a stew pot in Cambodia) has died and gone to heaven.  She certainly likes this leash-free world.  This morning I took her down to our cabin and let her run before we opened presents.  What a happy puppy!  Winter is such a pretty time here and it's fun to watch her enjoy the remaining snow as she pounces on the field mice hiding under it. Did I mention that she thinks she's a cat?

 

Big Pieces of Coal

Anyhow, I didn't make my goal. Blah. But hey, I'm not going to be too hard on myself.  I didn't fall off the wagon -- and I haven't given up.  And that is a first for me.  I'm very glad that the kitchen in the farmhouse isn't done and we are relegated to what we can grill and microwave.  It certainly has made eating choices way more healthy! I have the trauma of tonight to get through -- but then I should be okay until New Year's. 

 

My plan right now is to get to the gym on Thursday.  I'll try and work out at home tomorrow if I'm feeling 100%.  So I didn't make my goal weight.  But dang if I'm not way fitter than I was this time last year.  Baby steps.  I keep saying that, but it is true.  My next big goal is in March.  Three month chunks...they seem to work.  But I'll save this for my new years post.

 

Okay, enough of my rambling!!!!

 

I'm going to go make me some hot cocoa and enjoy our Christmas poinsettia!  Wishing you the best...peace, love, joy and above all HOPE.

 

Lots of love,

FGS

 

 

The Devil is in the Details

I was listening to a local (crap) radio station this morning on my way to work (I wasn't late – HONEST!!!!!!) and they were discussing proposed taxes on soda and items with high fructose corn syrup. It apparently comes from San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom's proposal to tax stores that stock soda.  Hmmmm. An interesting thought.  I don't think a tax on soda and sugar would ever fly in this country.  But heck, what is stopping us from making healthy food cheaper?  And really, maybe a tax like that would be good.  Just like we now shoulder the costs for smokers with high medical bills (by the way, if you are reading this, you know who you are, quit now – because I love you and don't want to watch you waste away with lung cancer!) and have created taxes to help alleviate that burden, why not slap a sin tax on soda to help burden the rising costs of obesity in this country.  For the love of God, my students have chocolate milk, pop tarts and 'whole-wheat' donuts for breakfast here.  Don't you think a good portion of that money could be dumped into teaching kids good nutrition at school by feeding them good food? And since we've cut PE to make more seat time so our kids can pass tests, it's no wonder they are getting fat. Blah….don't get me started!!!!

Anyhoooooo, this discussion got me thinking a lot about what I'm putting in my body.  Do I really pay attention?  Sigh……well, and now I'm blushing, on a superficial level, yes I occasionally pay attention.  I don't scarf down bags of potato chips or liters of soda.  Nor do I tend to eat many super highly processed foods.  But I don't really pay attention to ingredient lists either.  Yet I can find time to read that lovely nutrition label so conveniently located on the back of EVERYTHING I consume.  The ingredient list, however, tends to go unnoticed.  Bad Fat Grl!  So maybe a good resolution for the New Year is to actually start to pay attention to those pesky, hard to read ingredient labels.  Okay, I will admit right now, that I will never, ever give up Velveeta and Rotel…but a little fluorescent orange cheese once a year is NOT going to kill me.  Or will it??? Hmmmmmmmm.  But maybe I really do need to start paying attention to what is going into my body.  I work really hard to be fit and healthy, why screw it up with horrible food? 

Speaking of working hard…..can I just say how dang frustrated I am that I am still 3 pounds away from my mini pre-Christmas goal?  That's what I get for setting goals!  Lol!  Right after I post about how I hate setting goals and time constraints and blah, blah, blahbitty, blah, what do I do? Set myself a time limit to hit a certain weight.  And damned if I haven't lost a pound in the last 4 bloody weeks. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  Serves me right for not putting my money where my mouth is!  I spin, I lunge, I squat, I run, I elliptical, I swim, I get my arse whooped by PT, but I can't lose to save my life.  Part of it has to do with my food consumption – yes, it has been a bit points high – but always within the points I have earned or have to use.  But really.  You'd think I'd get somewhere!  Sigh.  The human body truly is a mystery.  

If it weren't for NSV's, I think I just might have thrown myself under a moving belt of a treadmill by now….

But, you have to keep the faith, right?  And I know that pounds are just one measure of my progress.  The way I look and feel is pretty dang important to.  And those size 16 pants I barely fit into a year ago, now fall off my body.  That is a victory.  It's a victory that I don't feel like a big fat lump any more and that I can actually tell when my body needs to be pushed or needs a break.  I am taking chances and risks and trying new things again.  That is a victory as well.  I feel strong, I feel vibrant, I feel alive.  So no, the scale isn't bloody cooperating.  But, I have some other things to be proud and happy about.  And that is truly all that matters.

Well kids, it's off to good old middle of nowhere NY in just a day and a bit.  Sigh…..wish me luck on my drive across the country!!! And pray I don't chuck roomy out the window after five miles of Christmas carols!

 

FGS

To New Beginnings...

So it is that time of year again when people start thinking about the possibilities of the New Year, about what changes they can make to improve their dull and dreary, slightly miserable lives.   And like it or not this time of year is truly a time of hope.  It just permeates the air – like the smell of cinnamon rolls baking and the endless notes of holiday tunes.

 

I, for one, love new beginnings.  I love blank pieces of paper and vast expanses of perfectly smooth snow.   I love the endless possibilities that each of these things invite and the way that they start my mind swirling.  There is so much that one can do with these infinite canvases if you only have patience, a heap of dedication and a tiny spark of imagination and vision of your future.   Potential.  I think it may be my favorite word.

 

This year I learned that sometimes our future surprises us – you can be walking along, envisioning your life when it jumps out of nowhere and bites you in the ass when you least expect it.   I've learned that the future isn't always how we picture it to be – and that sometimes when we force the future to look like the pictures in our heads, it turns out all wrong and ends up a complete disaster.   Sometimes, the future is unconventional and messy.  Sometimes, you have to just have faith in what the universe has to offer you and realize that some of the best drawings start when you begin to color outside the lines.

 

I've already gotten yelled at once today for being too profound for such an early hour in the day!  But I can't seem to help myself.   I'm at peace, the sun is shining and the snow looks like perfect white perfection on the mountains today.  For the first time in a long time, I'm not worried about my life falling apart on me.   I'm just here, smiling and looking forward to my future……

 

Though I hate to say 'this year I will…' I just can't stop myself sometimes!  And yes I know it's still a little early for this, but I have a couple I want to get in there while I'm thinking about it. There are things that I want to achieve.   Let's face it, this is also the most perfect time again to start again, to reset, to paint the walls white and begin imagining your life with new color.   It is also the most annoying three months of the year at the gym…but that is a story for another post! 

 

So without further ado…

This year I will learn to let go a little and just live.  I will learn to trust in myself and listen to myself.   I will not give up on hope or love.  This year I will start my new beginning with a smile on my face, an open heart and hope in the palm of my hand.

 

Somebody smack me now – I've been hit on the head with the happy stick today!

 

Yours,

FGS

Reveling and Reckoning

"Obese patients are often encouraged to believe that weight loss is an appropriate way to combat depression, save a failing marriage, or increase the chance of career success. The irrationality of hopes pinned on weight loss is so striking that dieting might almost be likened to superstitious behavior…. Passing from childhood into adolescence, leaving home, marrying, starting a new job, having a baby, experiencing marital difficulties, adjusting to children leaving home, and growing old — all these life situations may become unexamined reasons to diet. In other instances, concerns over weight mask even more serious problems."

-Wooley and Garner, from "Obesity treatment: the high cost of false hope," published in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association, vol. 91, no. 10, 1991.

I borrowed this from Kate Harding, who wrote a very powerful post about the Fantasy of Being Thin.  Read it.  And never again say "when I'm thin I'll…".

Reveling

We are led to believe that losing weight will FIX everything and it's all a big old pile of crap.  It doesn't fix everything.  In fact sometimes it even makes things worse.  So many people, yours truly included, use their weight as a shield or blockade.   It's a great excuse – being overweight, you can always blame your problems on your weight – not the fact that you are actually a horrid person, or that your marriage is failing because you can't communicate or that you are clinically depressed.  So what happens when you actually lose weight and no longer have it as an excuse?  You have to face the problems that were so easily ignored before.   Weight is just a symptom of the problem.  We diet and diet – but we never fix the problem that got us there in the first place.  A tree without roots doesn't last long in a wind storm, so how can you expect to maintain weight loss when you've got nothing supporting you?  Even more to the point how can you expect to lose weight in the first place when the only motivation to do so is to save your marriage or get a better job?  Unhappiness is unhappiness whether you are fat or thin.
 

Reckoning

Biggest Loser.  Yeah, I love that show – not entirely sure why, but I do.  Isabeau's comment about being given back her hope really hit home.  It's true.  This is all about finding hope, having faith again and learning that no one can take that away from you.  Mindset is half of the battle.  Don't invest in that fantasy of being thin.  Kate's right.  It's such a waste of time.  Live your own truth and your own life no matter what your size or shape.  Change because you want to be healthy and strong, not because your BMI says you are obese or looking at the cover of Vogue nauseates you.  Change for the right reasons, and just maybe it will last longer – heck even better, it might last forever. 

I am frustrated right now.  Because weight loss has become such a huge part of my life and I'm constantly focused on my weight loss goals, I feel like some times I lose sight of the bigger picture.  This is about being healthy.  This isn't about being skinny.  This is about feeling comfortable in my own skin – if I'm 350lbs or 150lbs.  It's about learning that sexy is as much a state of mind as it is about size.  It's about  learning to forgive myself, love myself and appreciate all that I have to offer.  Because somewhere out there is a special individual who I would like to share my life with and I'm pretty sure he's going to get sick of my insecurities any day now and give me the boot.  And that scares me.

Whoosh.......I have no idea where this post came from!  I wrote a couple of notes to myself during my really long morning meeting to write about my pants fitting and how hard the insane spin instructor was yesterday and this is what I got.  Sigh…maybe it's just the doldrums of Wednesday hitting me.  Only a few more days to go….

Yours,

FGS

Oh the Weather Outside…

Is HORRID, and yet we are still in school. Sigh, go figure. And when you work in a school that is 69% Mexican, you don't get a lot of students on snowy days. This place is dead today! I suppose that it is sort of good news though because it means I can blog…

First of all, let me just say, my readers rock! Thank you for your comments and lurve. You certainly make my day! Starting this blog has been one of the best things I've ever decided to do. It keeps me real, it keeps me sane (well, sort of!) and it keeps me accountable. This blog has also reminded me that writing is what I really love to do.

Second, I, in my agitated mental state, have somehow decided to do a spinning class tonight! Shhhhh…..I'll tell you a secret. I love spinning! And I'm really glad that I get to do a class tonight! I've gotten a lot of questions from friends lately about spinning. All I can say is you've got to try it. Yes it is hard – but it's a great workout. And hey, if you never try anything new, you'll be stuck in that same old rut that got you were you are in the first place……

And I'm done counting now.

I got on the scale this morning and saw yet another weight I haven't seen in a couple of years and wanted to jump up and down and count it as my official weigh in for the week. I made myself stop and breathe and not count it as official just yet. Besides, now that I'm going to spinning tonight, I just may end up a bit lower than that yet. Of course, knowing my luck, I'll end up somehow gaining five pounds in the next 24 hours… We all know how funny the scale can be!

So yesterday, I had a wee bit of a heart attack. I finished my grueling torture session with PT and headed into the office to sign the PT book. PT pulled me aside when I went to schedule my next session with him and said that he was moving. I freaked! I'm sure my heart rate monitor was at like 250 beats a minute! Okay, not actually. Then he explained he was just moving a different location and I could still do my sessions with him. Phew…..no biggie. I can work out at the other club too – it's not that far out of my way to stick with PT! Yes, yes, I know how spoiled I am to have him. Did I mention that I have a roomy who buys groceries? If I didn't I would have starved long ago – since all of my money goes to pay PT. Amazing, but I really don't care. The changes that that man has made in my body are incredible and worth every penny. Hmmm…I sort of sound like I'm trying to justify this……lol well, after showing roomy my ass the other day (I know, I know – totally weird), I got all of the justification I needed.

I got even more justification for my expensive habit when I tried on clothes that were in the back of my closet. I have this gorgeous gold dress that I wore two years ago to my student's prom. It fit me like a sausage casing back then. I had to wear one of those horrid sucking-in contraptions that truly just doubled the sausage effect. It wasn't pretty folks – and I have the pictures to prove it. Now, however, it is too big and needs serious taking in. I suppose this is yet more proof of how working out can change your body even if the scale isn't moving so fast. What a feeling it was to go through the closet and actually fit into clothes I've never even worn. Like the gorgeous hot pink silk skirt I got on clearance at Neiman Marcus three years ago…va va va vooooom!

Yes, I am a wee bit on cloud nine these days – for many different reasons. But fitting back into clothes, and feeling sexy again certainly is near the top of my list of reasons that I can't seem to keep my feet on the ground…

Alright, back to work for me. I am enjoying the quiet…it's so unusual! Ooooh, wait is that the sound of projectile vomit??? Yup. Um, lovely. I didn't know it could stick to walls that way. Ahhhh the joys of being a teacher!

Have a great day!

FGS

Another Monday cha - cha - cha....

Welcome o' faithful readers! Here we are again at Monday! How did we get here so quickly??? It just isn't fair that weekends go twice as quickly as weekdays! My weekend was filled with snow and my roomy playing excessive amounts of Christmas music, laundry and a brief trip to World Market. Incredibly exciting, right?

On a positive note, this weekend was a very contemplative one for me. I spent a lot of time thinking about where I am, where I have been and where I want to go. And I have come to the conclusion that it would be so much bloody easier if you could just buy a plane ticket to all of the places you want or need to go. Ahhh, but it is never that easy. The last year of my life has been quite an adventure. I have learned to stand firmly on my own two feet, I have learned that a pound of fat does weigh the same as a pound of muscle (it's just less dense!) and that getting fit, not just skinny is the true challenge I've given myself. Amazing how 12 little months can completely change your mind frame. Yeah, I know. I want to be healthy more than I care about being skinny. Where the heck did that come from??? I've also learned that in life, the people you surround yourself with have to love you for who you are -- and there are no exceptions to this rule. I also think I learned that the only way you really successfully lose weight or get healthy is to start by getting to know yourself and fixing the parts of you that are broken first. Losing weight is as much a mind game as it is anything else. Does that make sense?

I also thought a lot about when I started working out with PT last March. I didn't make much progress at all. Sure, I added muscle and lost some inches. But it was a slow and painful processes. I was angry -- very, very angry at the world when I started this journey. I had just been dumped. I was heavier than I had ever been in my life. My job was stressful. Basically, I wasn't in a very good place. We all get stuck in those places sometimes, right? It took me until August to get over myself and move on from all of that pain and hurt and misery. And before you ask, NO, it hasn't been easy. From March to August, I lost 5 pounds. Yeah that is it. Five. Oh, and I gained it back!
From August to today, I've lost 25 pounds.
Yeah, things are a bit different now. I'm not so angry. I've learned there's more to life than being angry. And if you don't like it, change it! It really is THAT simple. I read a lot of blogs and WW boards, and I see so many people getting frustrated with this time of year -- there's a lot of pressure out there to eat, drink and be merry. I find myself typing BREATHE in a lot of posts. And I am constantly reminding myself that I am in control. I am the captain of my fate: I am the master of my soul.....

So how do I get through these holiday times? Well, first I thank my lucky stars that my mom is moving and the kitchen in her new house hasn't finished being remodeled!!! I'm living on frozen veggies and Lean Cuisines for the two weeks I'm home!!! Wahoooooooooo! Second, I make myself some really good plans and set some specific goals for myself. I am 3.5 pounds away from a major goal and right now, there is NOTHING, read that NOTHING I could put into my mouth that would taste better than hitting that goal for Christmas. No I am not blessed with crazy amounts of willpower (ha! I ate a Flake, some Stollen and too much Lindt dark chocolate this weekend!). But I just know that from now until I leave for Christmas break, I have some serious motivation to get to that goal.

Speaking of setting goals, I went back on my word and set some this weekend. It seems to me I do really well when I think of things in three month chunks. Where do I want to be in three months? Well 25 pounds lighter than I am now to start. And I want to be able to run 5 miles.

Anyhoo, the fortune cookie. "Don't live with the brakes on." So many times in my life I've let my weight or my insecurity stop me from doing wonderful things. Not anymore. And really, why live with reservation? What's the point? You only get one shot at this crazy, wonderful, fantastic life! Might as well make the most of it!

So cha-cha-cha your way through this Monday. And just remember as you swing your hips sassily down the hall, it's not about the size of your ass, but how you shake it that really matters!

Thanks for reading....

FGS

Oinkedy Oink Oink -- A Feisty Blog...

So I don't really like to lump myself in with the obese American population, but let's face it people, I'm one of the 65% of Americans who are overweight. And I'm working my damn ass off to change that fact. I don't want to be lumped in. Lumps suck. And I'm not okay with being a fat American....

Articles like The 20 Worst Foods really get me going about how America is when it comes to food. We are a nation of fat people -- and yet we continue to let restaurants and grocery stores dictate to us what our diet should consist of. I mean c'mon! I was at the store the other day buying fruit and veggies and Lean Cuisines and I spent 4 times what the person in front of me spent with their massive basket full of soda, mac n' cheese, processed foods and potato chips. What the $^%&!?!?! How is it that we have this massive (pardon the pun) obesity epidemic and healthy, good for you food remains three times the price of the crap and junk food that truly can barely be considered food to begin with? Don't get me wrong -- I love my Kraft Mac n' Cheese every now and again (I think I'm down to about once a year), but it's not food. It's crap in a box with about as much nutrition as the box itself. In fact, if you ate the box, it might actually up the nutritional value by adding some actual fiber to the meal.

And yet, we sit here and take it. We let the advertisers and the manufacturers tell us what we are going to eat. Bah! I say enough is enough already! I want my lettuce to be cheaper than that box of mac n' cheese and those 9 cans of Spaghetti-o's, I want to be able to buy a massive bag of fresh fruit for less than I can buy a bag of chips for. I want to go to a restaurant and order a salad and get a salad. I ordered a salad last weekend at a restaurant which was supposed to be a buffalo chicken salad -- yeah, ha. It had a massive piece of chicken, fried of course, fried onions, a massive heap of cheese, two celery sticks and one piece of iceberg lettuce. That's not a salad. And I want a discount when I order healthy food at a restaurant. And I don't want to be looked at funny when I ask for diet tonic water or my salad dressing on the side!

Ooohhhh I'm on a roll...

So why don't we up the taxes on junk food? We tax the crap out of cigarettes and alcohol, why the heck not tax junk food. In the long run it's just as bad for us as that pack of smokes or that fifth of JD. Sure we should still have these foods -- why not, everyone needs a little splurge now and again. But seriously, do we really need to subsidize these industries which do nothing but destroy our health with taxpayer funds? Why not subsidize the dairy farmers, and veggie growers and companies that make healthier foods?

Holy soap box Batman!

Sorry, couldn't help it. I am just annoyed and tired of being overweight and trying every single day to change that fact only to go to Walmart and watch the largest individuals I've ever seen purchase the most fattening food in the world for less than my veggies and yogurt.

End of rant...

FGS

Heart Rate Monitors, or how one little thing with a strap changed my life...

Okay everyone, I survived spin class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wahoooooooooooo!

To be honest, it wasn't nearly as wretched as I thought it would be! Yeah I worked hard and yeah, I can feel it, but it wasn't the nightmare I'd been led to believe it would be. Really, because you control your own resistance and speed, you have a lot of control of how the class goes. The instructor for this class knew me because of my trainer so came up and said hi to me before the class started. Yeah, I was nervous. I am so glad I did it though! It was fun and challenging and I will defo do it again. Yeah spinning!

Now on to the promised post.

Heart Rate Monitors

About six months ago I took the plunge and bought myself a heart rate monitor. Okay, so I didn't really plunge, I did hours of research trying to find the perfect, wallet friendly, heart rate monitor. I hemmed and hawed and debated for weeks about the merits of owning such a gadget and finally, after borrowing one from a friend, decided I too had to have one.

The results:
I still remember the first workout I did with my heart rate monitor. OMG! OMG! OMG! I thought I had been working my arse off. Ha! One session with that sucker showed me just how much of a slacker I really was. The machines had been lying to me for months and months and I just went along with it. Well, of course I really didn't know any better. But wow, what a difference. Working in my target heart rate zone for my full workout kicked me in the ass. Now, months later I can see massive improvements in my cardio. Heck, even the spin class today was bearable courtesy of the hours of efficient workouts I've done with my HRM.

Pros and Cons
Alright, let's start with the good stuff.
Heart rate monitors:
-make your workout more efficient and effective
-takes the guess work out of exertion
-keeps a more accurate count of your calories burned
-make you work harder and/or be cognizant of the level you are working at (no RPE!)
-give you one more way besides the scale to track your progress
-are handy for keeping track of when your sneaky trainer is making you do planks for a minute

And now the not so good stuff:
-are just one more thing to worry about
-can be expensive
-you really need to buy one with a chest strap -- and if that bugs you, not good
-um, that's it!

Basically, I can't think of much bad to say about them. I love mine.

So let's talk about mine. I have a Polar F11. I purchased this watch at REI with my yearly dividend (for anyone who isn't sure about REI -- I'll just warn you now, if you've ever dreamt of being an outdoorsy person, stay FAR FAR away from REI!) It retailed at $160 but with the dividend and tax it was still a wee bit less. I got the ice blue women's version. Love it! The watch part is smaller than then men's version and is a nice blue shade.
My monitor came with the chest strap which is coded so you don't pick up your neighbors heart rate. Most machines at my gym actually read my heart rate so I don't have to constantly look at my watch.

The F11 has a lot of cool features. You can set weekly workout programs, record your workouts and do lots of other funky things that I still haven't sorted out. It also has a feature that lets you test your resting heart rate. All of the data collected can be uploaded to the internet via a microphone hooked to your computer and recorded and stored on the Polar fitness site. Really cool stuff. It also keeps track of the calories you burn during a workout. This number is way more accurate than the machines because it factors in sex, height, weight and exertion.
I never thought I'd like to wear a chest strap -- but once you go strap, you never go back! It keeps things very accurate. I love it. It's never been too tight. The only real problem I've had in connectivity was swimming. Something about the chlorine screws up the connectivity.

Overall, this has been an amazing and very worthwhile purchase for me. But like any fitness gadget, you really need to assess whether or not you will actually use it and what your fitness goals are. For me, this was a no brainer and has completely changed the way I work out.

Here are some of the sites I checked out when looking for HRMs:
Heart Rate Monitor USA
REI
Polar
Target

I am only reviewing my Polar F11 because it's the only model I've ever owned. I'm sure there are other great HRMs out there -- but can't really speak to their greatness. So do your research!

And send some love to your FGS! She needs it :)

Hope this answers the questions... if you have more, drop me a line!

Ooooh...maybe that spinning workout did a bit more to my legs than I thought. Yikes. Thighs...burn...oh....my.....butt!

Phew that was a long one!
FGS

Giving it a Spin...

She's really doing it kids! 

Yeah that's right, finally after loads of talk and heaps of pondering, FGS is getting her arse to a spinning class!!! Am I scared? Hell yes!  I'm afraid of pain…and not being able to complete the entire class…and looking like an idiot…and falling off my bike…not to mention a myriad of other fears.  Alright, I admit it.  I am a group workout class scaredy-cat!  I don't think anything petrifies me more than having to trust my body to perform a certain set of moves and routines in front of a group. Yeah, I know nobody is watching – but still! I'm a shy girl, I hate the idea of anyone noticing how completely uncoordinated I am.  I have these crazy images in my head of splitting my pants or falling on my ass that just paralyze me with fear when I think of entering the hallowed halls of my gym's exercise studios.  And don't even mention a step class to me!  If you want to see my trainer bust a gut, just tell him I'm going to take a step class.  Ha!  He's seen me lose my balance just standing still, never mind grape-vining my way up and over an elevated platform! 

No, these things I try in the comfort and quiet of my own home.  Shhhhh.  Don't tell.  Secretly, I was I could make my feet do all of those tricky steps whilst perfectly positioning my arms above my head and pasting a big old smile on my face.  In reality, I think I look more like a drunken octopus floundering about out of water with absolutely no clue what to do with all of my appendages. 

But spinning.  This has to be the class for me!  This has to be the one that I can do without looking like an idiot!  I mean, come on, it's riding a bicycle.  In one place.  No movement required.  I can do that, right?  Well, let's hope so!  I'll let you know how it goes after the class tomorrow night!

In other news, I've been battling the same bloody five pounds for three weeks now.  No matter how much I work out, those suckers aren't moving.  Can you say FRUSTRATION!?!?!?  I think I wrote about my Christmas goal – and how much it means to me.  I am now contemplating trying the Wendie plan to see if that might do the trick.  The only problem I've found with all this exercise is that I get hungrier.  I mean come on – 20 activity points in one session – I feel like I could eat a horse!  Well, not really eat a horse because I really like them and all but you know what I mean. 

So the Wendie plan – if you google it – is this sort of novel concept of varying your points intakes for each day of the week.  I suppose it keeps your body guessing just how much it's going to get.  Maybe that's my biggest problem.  I've been pretty consistently eating about 32 points a day.  I get 28.  But with flex points and activity points, I've been eating a few extra.  Hmmmm.  Maybe I need to really focus on switching up the points.  Sounds like I've got myself a new goal for the week! 

WI tomorrow!  Wahoo, I am soooo excited. NOT!  But hey, I've got three major goals now. 

1)Lose those stubborn pain in the arse 5 pounds before Christmas.

2)Try the Wendie plan this week

3)Try a spinning class 

Not so bad, right?

I'll keep you posted on my progress,

FGS

Bad, bad Fat Grl!

Okay, confession time. I just came home from Sephora. Yeah, that store where I can't walk out for under a million dollars... that store that is full of 9,000 little things that you never knew they made for your skin...that store. So I did make it out of there for less than I usually do, but I didn't need to buy anything at all!!! I did get some killer free samples (props to the lady at Sephora for hooking me up!). Phew...coming clean is sometimes a good thing! I should start a products I love section! What do you think??? Does anyone really care what kind of face cream I think is incredible? Or what moisturizer kicks the Denver desert air's ass? Let me know what you think....


I feel as if I have been a very naughty girl, ignoring you my avid readers! Well, honestly, my head has been up my arse lately. That's about the nicest way I can put it. I seem to fall apart when the world stresses me out -- and the world is stressing me out. Big time. I have completely forgotten about eating properly, and have become totally obsessed with the gym. Yeah I got 21 activity points in one workout. Don't ask. Sigh. I mean really, you'd think I'd be loosing crazy amounts of weight. But noooooo. My body is being STUBBORN! 6 more pounds to go until I hit a very big goal and can I get rid of them? Not a chance! Throw in TOM and it's all gone tits up. I wish sometimes that it would just melt off -- I mean, really, don't we all? Anyone who has ever struggled with their weight would probably agree with me that their number one fantasy is waking up thin...with killer Jimmy Choo's that fit perfectly on their floor next to a sexy Prada dress and Clive Owen sprawled out naked in their bed...okay maybe not that last part, but defo the first! But then, I suppose, if we could just wake up thin, we wouldn't appreciate the journey and adventure of losing weight. Ha! Who am I kidding? It sucks people. This journey SUCKS. Big time. This is one of the hardest things I've ever done. And it's all so bloody illogical! I mean really, you'd think 2 or 3 hours of hard core gym work outs would equal a loss for the week, but it isn't always the case. Then go have a few beers one weekend and end up losing 5 pounds. It makes NO sense! And perhaps this whole thing just serves as a reminder that things in life don't always make sense -- but that doesn't mean you can just give up the ghost and turn into a 500lb giant just because you don't see a change on the scale!

In fact, darling Fat Grl, don't you remember just a few months ago when you first started training with PT you barely lost 5 pounds for 3 months of work? Yeah, remember then?

It's so easy to forget the rough patches sometimes. I did have a major moment of victory this weekend though. I tried on a pair of jeans I bought 3 years ago -- I've never worn them because they were too small when I bought them but I loved the cut and shape of their size 16 predecessors, so I decided to think toward the future. I think at the time, I thought that I would fit into them a couple of months after I bought them -- not three years later! But hey, bygones! And back to those jeans. They fit. Like a glove. In size 14 -- and man oh man do they make my ass look good! So despite not seeing a number I like on the scale, at least my body is changing for the good.

As for my cardio and strength, well that's improved too. I ran my fastest 3 miles today -- and strength wise I'm amazed at what I can do. PT has been kicking my ass these days -- making me do boy pushups and far too many planks. But it's paying off. Big time. I love the way my body is changing. I love that I have so much energy and that I'm strong again. So that's my victory. Maybe I'm not as stuck as I think I am. Maybe I just need to redefine my version of success.....

And as for that number on the scale, well, he'll change his tune one of these days.

Sayonara peeps, it's time for Indian food with the roomy and the Amazing Race. I know, I know -- but everyone needs mind candy now and again. And here's my thought for the day -- it's not about the size of your ass, but how damn good it looks in your favorite jeans. Tee hee.

FGS