Reveling and Reckoning

"Obese patients are often encouraged to believe that weight loss is an appropriate way to combat depression, save a failing marriage, or increase the chance of career success. The irrationality of hopes pinned on weight loss is so striking that dieting might almost be likened to superstitious behavior…. Passing from childhood into adolescence, leaving home, marrying, starting a new job, having a baby, experiencing marital difficulties, adjusting to children leaving home, and growing old — all these life situations may become unexamined reasons to diet. In other instances, concerns over weight mask even more serious problems."

-Wooley and Garner, from "Obesity treatment: the high cost of false hope," published in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association, vol. 91, no. 10, 1991.

I borrowed this from Kate Harding, who wrote a very powerful post about the Fantasy of Being Thin.  Read it.  And never again say "when I'm thin I'll…".

Reveling

We are led to believe that losing weight will FIX everything and it's all a big old pile of crap.  It doesn't fix everything.  In fact sometimes it even makes things worse.  So many people, yours truly included, use their weight as a shield or blockade.   It's a great excuse – being overweight, you can always blame your problems on your weight – not the fact that you are actually a horrid person, or that your marriage is failing because you can't communicate or that you are clinically depressed.  So what happens when you actually lose weight and no longer have it as an excuse?  You have to face the problems that were so easily ignored before.   Weight is just a symptom of the problem.  We diet and diet – but we never fix the problem that got us there in the first place.  A tree without roots doesn't last long in a wind storm, so how can you expect to maintain weight loss when you've got nothing supporting you?  Even more to the point how can you expect to lose weight in the first place when the only motivation to do so is to save your marriage or get a better job?  Unhappiness is unhappiness whether you are fat or thin.
 

Reckoning

Biggest Loser.  Yeah, I love that show – not entirely sure why, but I do.  Isabeau's comment about being given back her hope really hit home.  It's true.  This is all about finding hope, having faith again and learning that no one can take that away from you.  Mindset is half of the battle.  Don't invest in that fantasy of being thin.  Kate's right.  It's such a waste of time.  Live your own truth and your own life no matter what your size or shape.  Change because you want to be healthy and strong, not because your BMI says you are obese or looking at the cover of Vogue nauseates you.  Change for the right reasons, and just maybe it will last longer – heck even better, it might last forever. 

I am frustrated right now.  Because weight loss has become such a huge part of my life and I'm constantly focused on my weight loss goals, I feel like some times I lose sight of the bigger picture.  This is about being healthy.  This isn't about being skinny.  This is about feeling comfortable in my own skin – if I'm 350lbs or 150lbs.  It's about learning that sexy is as much a state of mind as it is about size.  It's about  learning to forgive myself, love myself and appreciate all that I have to offer.  Because somewhere out there is a special individual who I would like to share my life with and I'm pretty sure he's going to get sick of my insecurities any day now and give me the boot.  And that scares me.

Whoosh.......I have no idea where this post came from!  I wrote a couple of notes to myself during my really long morning meeting to write about my pants fitting and how hard the insane spin instructor was yesterday and this is what I got.  Sigh…maybe it's just the doldrums of Wednesday hitting me.  Only a few more days to go….

Yours,

FGS